A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after a 20 hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat says,
"Well, that's great... that's really great.... some a**hole has my pen."
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
You might be a Redneck Taliban if
From a list I'm on
You might be a Redneck Taliban if...
You might be a Redneck Taliban if...
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You have more wives than teeth.
You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe.
You've felt the urge to rub one out after seeing a woman's exposed ankle.
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'
You wipe your a** with your bare left hand, but consider bacon unclean.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
USRSF
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)
These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :
- The season opened today.
- There is no limit.
- They taste just like chicken.
- They don't like beer, pickups, country music, NASCAR, or Jesus.
- They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Campaigning versus voting
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity"
The senator reflects for a minute, then he> answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.....Today you voted."
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity"
The senator reflects for a minute, then he> answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.....Today you voted."
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
This is one of those times
that I wish I had money to burn.
Michael Yon is selling his Dragon Skin body armor on ebay.
I'd love to be able to replace the funds he feels he wasted on the product.
One has to wonder what the vendor is thinking right now...
Michael Yon is selling his Dragon Skin body armor on ebay.
I'd love to be able to replace the funds he feels he wasted on the product.
One has to wonder what the vendor is thinking right now...
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
An Expensive Toy
A category that I'm all in favor of but this one comes with lousy keyboard and no user replaceable battery.
The MacBook Air
The MacBook Air
When seconds count
The police are only minutes away.
The lovely Laurel has video
From the front step of my house I can see the village hall of my town. The police station shares a parking lot with village hall. In regular traffic one can drive from the police station to my house in under 2 minutes. In an emergency I would imagine under 60 seconds. However since the police are usually not at the station and on patrol I would guess 3 to 5 minutes is more like it.
Maybe having guns in the home isn't such a bad idea...
The lovely Laurel has video
From the front step of my house I can see the village hall of my town. The police station shares a parking lot with village hall. In regular traffic one can drive from the police station to my house in under 2 minutes. In an emergency I would imagine under 60 seconds. However since the police are usually not at the station and on patrol I would guess 3 to 5 minutes is more like it.
Maybe having guns in the home isn't such a bad idea...
Thursday, January 10, 2008
You don't have to be Blond
These Contractors are installing the steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar downtown. They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day and anxious to go home.
How long do you think it will be before they realize where their vehicle is parked?
(Making the rounds at work)
Interesting
If you read Day by Day (and if you don't you should) you may have noticed the Free DBD books text in the left hand pane. After clicking on the link (and finding nothing) I went to the DBD homepage and there was the link. Setup my registration (and awaiting confirmation since I have my own domain...) and searched for Chris Muir. Found the DBD books. And a book on Issac Newton as the 16th link.
There appears to be much more to Chris than I thought...
There appears to be much more to Chris than I thought...
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Shamrox Season opener - video coverage
Some video shot at the 2008 season opener
First - we get bagpipes
And fire!
And finally - Lacrosse!
A fan fav at Shamrox games are the dancers. After the first quarter we were treated to some Motley Crue
After the third quarter the girls wanted some respect
And then it was over. A tough game but the Shamrox just didn't have enough offensive firepower to keep up with Toronto.
After the game fans are allowed down on the field to get autographs. I think this is my daughters favorite part of the game. While we were doing this local band Facing Forward was playing. To be honest I couldn't understand a word they were saying...
Like most bands they overdrive the bass but I have a feeling that their gear is designed for a much smaller room than the Sears Centre.
Thing1 remembers seeing them when he was in high school at the Bartlett Public Library. Now they are on MTV, WGN TV, and playing here. Looks like the future is bright.
First - we get bagpipes
And fire!
And finally - Lacrosse!
A fan fav at Shamrox games are the dancers. After the first quarter we were treated to some Motley Crue
After the third quarter the girls wanted some respect
And then it was over. A tough game but the Shamrox just didn't have enough offensive firepower to keep up with Toronto.
After the game fans are allowed down on the field to get autographs. I think this is my daughters favorite part of the game. While we were doing this local band Facing Forward was playing. To be honest I couldn't understand a word they were saying...
Like most bands they overdrive the bass but I have a feeling that their gear is designed for a much smaller room than the Sears Centre.
Thing1 remembers seeing them when he was in high school at the Bartlett Public Library. Now they are on MTV, WGN TV, and playing here. Looks like the future is bright.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
The Shamrox are back
Me and the kids went to the season opener tonight for the Chicago Shamrox. The ended up losing 11-9 but we still had a great time. Pics and video tomorrow.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas
Have a great day and remember the reason for the season.
From my family to you and yours.
Merry Christmas!
From my family to you and yours.
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Fred08
This is not an official campaign commercial.
But it probably should be!
Right Wing News is where it started.
Official Fred!
But it probably should be!
Right Wing News is where it started.
Official Fred!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Bears vs Vikings on Monday Night Footbal
First: ESPN HD audio sucks. We're watching on ABC HD out of Chicago and it keeps dropping out. It's gotten better as the game has progressed but it's still on the bad side.
Second: These announcers are annoying. Could they have found three guys who disliked the Bears any more than these guys?
Third: The refs are terrible. The penalty right before the half for a hit out of bounds was yet another gift to the Vikings. Right after the review taking away the TD from Moose (who was nice enough to actually catch a ball that Orton threw to him)
Fourth: According to the Daily Herald Orton was supposed to have the full package. Way to many passes for 5 yards. C'mon - stretch the field!
Update #1: Whoever Jaws is - what an ass!
Update #2: C'mon Bears - tackle!
Update #3: The announcers really need to remove their lips from the Viking's rears. Could they just be a little impartial? And could the Bears stop the one yard passes to the wide receivers? Go down the field!
Update #4: Kyle - please settle down. That was an easy pass. Had McKie wide open.
Update #5: That was really bad Chicago. Allowing a cold QB to run the ball in like that.
Update #6: The refs blew the intentional grounding call. Orton's leg is being pulled as he strides into the throw and the pass goes short. Are they trying to make sure the Vikings win? It doesn't help that the Bear's D seems to be giving up.
Update #7: So close. A little more to the center of the field and it was a TD.
Second: These announcers are annoying. Could they have found three guys who disliked the Bears any more than these guys?
Third: The refs are terrible. The penalty right before the half for a hit out of bounds was yet another gift to the Vikings. Right after the review taking away the TD from Moose (who was nice enough to actually catch a ball that Orton threw to him)
Fourth: According to the Daily Herald Orton was supposed to have the full package. Way to many passes for 5 yards. C'mon - stretch the field!
Update #1: Whoever Jaws is - what an ass!
Update #2: C'mon Bears - tackle!
Update #3: The announcers really need to remove their lips from the Viking's rears. Could they just be a little impartial? And could the Bears stop the one yard passes to the wide receivers? Go down the field!
Update #4: Kyle - please settle down. That was an easy pass. Had McKie wide open.
Update #5: That was really bad Chicago. Allowing a cold QB to run the ball in like that.
Update #6: The refs blew the intentional grounding call. Orton's leg is being pulled as he strides into the throw and the pass goes short. Are they trying to make sure the Vikings win? It doesn't help that the Bear's D seems to be giving up.
Update #7: So close. A little more to the center of the field and it was a TD.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Superchick
Every once in a while you hear a song where the lyric just sticks in your head. The first time I heard "Bowling Ball" by Superchick and the line:
I was hooked. As a father of a 16 year old girl I wanted her to understand that as well. So I bought Beauty from Pain and gave it a listen. Awesome. Gave it to Thing2 and it went right on her iPod. Great music for anyone but especially for girls. Lots of girl power in those words.
Last Sunday Superchick headlined at a concert in Naperville at the Harvest Bible Church. I got Gold Circle tickets for Thing2 and myself. The wife doesn't like Christian rock so it was just me and my girl.
Harvest is in a office park area in Naperville. The build seemed like a converted office building with the sanctuary in the basement. We got there ~90 minutes early as it was general admission and we wanted to get as close as possible.
First the bad: Edan Concerts in the promoter of Christian music in the area and the crowd control was terrible. The doors didn't open till 15 minutes before the show started and people were able to walk right up and get in front of people who had been there for an hour. Even with this mess we ended up in the second row.
Now the good:
Starlit Platoon led off. IMO this is a band with great potential. Tight music with excellent lyrics. Thing1 would like these guys.
Jimmy Needham was next. Just him and an acoustic guitar (and his wife for two songs) I was so impressed I bought the CD afterwards.
Next up was KJ52. Did I ever mention I really don't like rap. Or hip-hop. On the other hand they were kind of fun. Thing2 seemed to really like them. She got their autographs afterward.
And then there was Superchick. The only bad thing I can say about Superchick's performance is that it was too short. Other than that they were great!
And now for some live music. I apologize for the audio. It was my wife's point and shoot Canon and the mic on it is very sensitive.
Bowling Ball
- you need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head which means not at all
I was hooked. As a father of a 16 year old girl I wanted her to understand that as well. So I bought Beauty from Pain and gave it a listen. Awesome. Gave it to Thing2 and it went right on her iPod. Great music for anyone but especially for girls. Lots of girl power in those words.
Last Sunday Superchick headlined at a concert in Naperville at the Harvest Bible Church. I got Gold Circle tickets for Thing2 and myself. The wife doesn't like Christian rock so it was just me and my girl.
Harvest is in a office park area in Naperville. The build seemed like a converted office building with the sanctuary in the basement. We got there ~90 minutes early as it was general admission and we wanted to get as close as possible.
First the bad: Edan Concerts in the promoter of Christian music in the area and the crowd control was terrible. The doors didn't open till 15 minutes before the show started and people were able to walk right up and get in front of people who had been there for an hour. Even with this mess we ended up in the second row.
Now the good:
Starlit Platoon led off. IMO this is a band with great potential. Tight music with excellent lyrics. Thing1 would like these guys.
Jimmy Needham was next. Just him and an acoustic guitar (and his wife for two songs) I was so impressed I bought the CD afterwards.
Next up was KJ52. Did I ever mention I really don't like rap. Or hip-hop. On the other hand they were kind of fun. Thing2 seemed to really like them. She got their autographs afterward.
And then there was Superchick. The only bad thing I can say about Superchick's performance is that it was too short. Other than that they were great!
And now for some live music. I apologize for the audio. It was my wife's point and shoot Canon and the mic on it is very sensitive.
Bowling Ball
Rockin around the Christmas Tree
It was great to see all the girls there singing every word right along with the band and bouncing to the music. Great music for kids. Girl power all the way. Just what a dad should want for his daughter.
Go see Superchick. Starlit Platoon and Jimmy Needham as well. And if hip-hop is your thing KJ52.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)